Posted by: Laurel | August 14, 2009

Friday August 14th~Self vs. Audience


So is this some sort of writer’s block? I haven’t written in a few days and am acutely aware of it. I think about this my self-professed avocation constantly, sure I have been far too premature in calling myself a writer.
“Here I go again, calling myself this when I am not even close to it…” Well.
What the hell am I then? I suppose I am whatever I choose to be today, someone who enjoys writing, even though it is one hell of a hard thing to do. I am not really fond of this constant aching to communicate. It isn’t the most pleasant way to spend my time. Perhaps all I lack is direction. Internal direction.
I know that this tap tap tapping feels good. There’s a start, Laurel!
The actual physicality of typing is pleasant. I like it.
Sometimes I think I am in love with the idea of being a writer.
I am sure that’s common.
Maybe I should write privately, without possibility of public viewing.
Nah, I don’t think so, because that very possiblity gives it some flavor. I am not sure what flavor that is, but it’s there and I seek it.
I have no idea who will read this, if anybody, and that doesn’t need to matter any more. I care, but I think it’s time for a studied nonchalance when it comes to audience.
I have always been one to consider audience before self. What an absurd way to exist. How on earth did I learn such a thing?
My family was dedicated to this premise and it permeated everything we did and believed.
Protestantism was central to our family and we were exemplary praciticioners. Though we rarely attended church. Not required.
So here I am again, unsure how to end this small tidbit of the day. No fanfare here, nothing needs to be concluded, finished, and all will be well no matter my next written word.
What a relief.

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Responses

  1. Putting your thoughts and ideas on paper makes you a writer. Becoming a published author is what requires an audience. You are a writer hon. Besides I always tell my students that when we share our writing we become authors. Hope all is well.


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